Abbasbeloveddaughter on Revelife

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Sunday, 15 June 2008

Brokenness. Pride. Guilt. Anger. Shame. Fear. These are all feelings I have felt over what many would have thought was the last month, or even the last year, but truth be told I have felt these emotions all within the last week. Breaking old habits and creating new ones is hardest when the very habits you are trying to break surround you daily. I have tw choices: to give up or to become more like Christ in everything that I do and say. I am human, but my Father is perfect, and as long as I am pursuing Him and his will I will be fine. Humility and obedience are choices I will have to make, but in the end I can say it was worth it.

Christ is calling me forward. What that looks like or is supposed to look like I don't know, but I am willing to find out. The first step is to get out of the boat, I sort of did that when I went to college going six hours away, and away from anyone or anything familiar to me to a city called Anderson,Indiana. Then after awhile even that became familiar and mundane. Now that I have come home I find the only thing that is familiar to me is my church and the stability I have there. They love and care for me, but most importantly I am allowed to make mistakes and I can be honest about those mistakes when they are made.

I have found even more stability in my relationship with my heavenly Father. I have had to learn that He can be trusted. Once I learned that, it was as if the floodgates opened up and I began to run to him little by little with whatever I felt I could trust Him with at the time. I have learned day by day what it means not only to walk and live by faith, but ti have a child-like faith as well. To be able to come to God and know without a doubt that He has my best interests at heart is the most freeing feeling in the world. It is my choice whether I will follow what He instructs me to go, but knowing that He has my best interest at heart, why wouldn't I obey Him?

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Currently Reading
Revolution In World Missions
By K.p. Yohannan
see related
Hmmm, my thoughts

I really hope the Lord will catch me, because I am ready to jump. To jump straight off the place I am right now, and hope that He catches me.
I am called to go, an I am called to serve Him. I have very little support, most harsh is that I don't even have the support of my family. These are people who claim to be His and act like they know what the will of God is. Father, I want to follow You and You alone. If that means that I have to forsake my family them so be it, because I cannot take the hyppcrisy anymore.
God has been calling me ever so sweetly into His presence daily. Somedays I say no, but He still faithfully calls out. So much for being His daughter when I can't even obey Him. UGH!
My heart is being torn out right now. My family isn't born again yet they act as if everything is okay. It isn't they are spiritually dead trying to fake it as alive, and it kills me. I really want to give up. There doesn't seem to be any hope anymore.

Monday, 09 June 2008

Father,
Teach me to love You. Teach me to follow in obedience today. Father thank you for Your adoption, and the Spirt which cries out to You and You alone. Father help me to walk in obedience in everything You have called me to do and to say.
May I be a light, and give me a way to move out. I cannot stand it anymore and this is hurting my witness for You. Conform me to Your image and bring my family to You today.

Amen

Friday, 06 June 2008

Currently Watching
The Mask (New Line Platinum Series)
By Jim Carrey, Peter Riegert, Peter Greene, Amy Yasbeck, Richard Jeni
see related

I hate excuses. I also hate how in this nation there is an excuse for EVERYTHING! We call things like alcoholism and other addictions diseases and those that deal with them sick when really after talking with these people their participation in these activities are an act of the will. I know I am predisposed to some things that could possibly lead to addiction; that is why I stay as far away from them as possible. I HATE this aspect of American society, in fact I hate most aspects of society.
I am so stressed out right now. I graduated from college on May 10th, and I didn't really get to enjoy the accomplishment. I don't have a liscense and yet my father is talking about me paying car insurance when I get a job. HELLO!! If I cannot drive why pay insurance on a car! I don't get it. He also brought up a bunch of bills that I will pay, and he forgot that obedience to God comes first and foremost. Therefore, the firse 10% in obedience to God goes to my church,then whatever else NEEDS to be paid gets paid, and the rest is stored away for when I have to start paying back my loans. That is how I will deal with that, but on a starting salary of $19,000-$25,000 we shall see how far this goes.
While I have been home I have been okay. Trying to kick bad habits, but doing it in my own strength seems impossible. We shall get there.
Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Revelife... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!" :-)